


Passing Afternoon

by Beyond_the_barrier



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Car repairs, College, Covering up scars, Creative writer Castiel, DUI, Death, Depression, Drugs, Eye Sex, Family Drama, First Kiss, Graduation, High School, Home stitching, Hospital, Implied Bullying, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Memorials, Memories, Minor Character Death, Motorcycles, Panic Attacks, Photographer Dean, Polaroid, References to Drugs, Scars, Self-Conscious, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, Smoker Dean, Social Anxiety, Stitches, Suicide, Underage Drinking, Victim Castiel, Victim Dean, Writer Castiel, beatings, book lover Castiel, car crash, collision, cremation, drinking and driving, house fire, mentions of self harm, partys, read don't hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-16 04:36:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7252348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beyond_the_barrier/pseuds/Beyond_the_barrier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel was at his high school graduation when he saw the man. Green eyes. He couldn't stop staring. Part of him hoped that when he went to college, he wouldn't see the man again. But then again, when have things ever gone well for Cas?</p><p>Dean nicknamed him blue eyes. He knew having photos of a stranger was a bit stalkerish. But he couldn't get over how blue his eyes were. And part of him wanted to see them up close. But a kid like him would never fit into the group of friends Dean had going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finally

**Author's Note:**

> Characters do not belong to me.  
> Neither do any movies, books, or songs mentioned. Though, I recommend you listen, watch, read them all.   
> enjoy i guess.

 

The robe was a bit itchy. It wasn't made from the finest material, and the hat felt a bit too small. There was always a yellow tassel in his eyesight when he had it on, and it kept bugging him. He had nothing else to focus on so he kept watching the tassel swing back and forth while he waited.

Cas's blue eyes kept scanning the room, waiting for the cue, watching everyone. Half afraid of his bullies seeing him. But he figured they were being forced to stay in their own spots until they could move. Hopefully after this Cas won't see any of these people again. He'll be able to leave all of this high school stuff behind, and won't have to creep around corners in fear.

The room was loud, as it always was with more than twenty people cramped inside, and all the voices were bouncing off the gym walls. Everyone was talking to the people closest to them, but Cas just stood, watching the yellow tassel swing back and forth in his vision.

Teachers started pushing students forward, and Cas heard the cue to keep walking. His feet took him outside and led him to his chair by the stage. They were ordered by last name, so he sat next to people who's names he knew, but that was it. He didn't exactly have friends. He didn't exactly have a family anymore either. Parents hated him at this point, and were only waiting for him to move out tomorrow. His stuff was packed and sitting in his room, waiting to be moved. Luckily he found an apartment, and already made the deal with the owner. It came with basic furniture, but Cas would have to stock everything else. Not that he cared. Cas had a stash of money in his own bank account meant to buy the things he needed when he moved, he's been working since the moment he was allowed in order to save money.

It was eighth grade when he knew for sure. He'd been questioning it for a couple years before that, but it was then he knew he was gay, and that his parents wouldn't approve. His mom was highly religious, he was, after all, named after an angel, and his dad wasn't exactly the person someone would go to about much. His dad hardly talked, but when he did, it was always against something. Against gays, against abortion, against democracy. At least, that's what Cas had taken from his fathers rants. The moment the law said he could, he got a workers permit and found a job. He's switched jobs a few times, but for the most part he worked retail.

Now, he works at local bookstore on the same block as his apartment, which was a twenty minute walk from the college campus. He was moving into a college town. It was one town over from here, and he was glad about that. Most kids, at least those he overheard talking, were going across the country or attending the JC that was opposite the closest college from town. Hearing that, gave him more hope that he wouldn't see any of these students at the campus, and if he did, it was likely the kids he didn't know very well anyway.

Music started and his principal started speaking. The crowd in the bleachers came to a silence and the only other talking was the occasional students whispering to their friends. Cas didn't pay much attention to what was being said. He didn't care, he just wanted to go home and get his stuff so he could leave.

Part of him hoped that at least one of his parents was in the crowd, watching him. He was their only child, and he was graduating high school. Sure, a high school diploma didn't get very far these days, but it was the end of their childhood and the beginning of a real life. At least, that's what everyone says and what every kid hopes for.

His blue eyes slowly scanned the crowd in the bleachers, ears tuned only to his name. He didn't see his parents, either of them, and part of him was just hoping that he missed them. So he kept looking.

But he kept finding himself staring at someone, his eyes wanting to stay glued to this one man. He had a camera up to his face, and he was taking pictures. When they put the camera down to look at the stage without it, Cas could see the color. From this far away, he could see this man's beautiful green eyes. And he couldn't stop staring. From here, he could tell his eyes were green and his hair was sort of blonde.

Cas froze when he realized the man was staring back. Or was he? No, he couldn't be. He was looking at something else. Right? Cas tried to look away, kept trying to force himself to not look back. But his head kept turning and his eyes kept finding the man again.

He was so focused on trying to not stare that he almost missed his cue. With a quick apology, he stood and got into line by on one side of the stage. His name was called and he went up on stage, receiving his diploma, shaking hands and walking off. He looked up back into the crowd, and his eyes located the man. There was a camera covering his face again, but it was pointed at him. Was it? It looked like it. The man lowered the camera and looked back at the stage as Cas walked back to his spot.

For the rest of the ceremony, he kept taking looks at the man in the crowd. Occasionally he had a camera to his face, and Cas could only watch as the man took pictures of the ceremony. When he wasn't staring at him, Cas pictured his green eyes up close and imagined being able to run his fingers through the man's hair.

The celebration ended, and in a split second, students jumped up, throwing graduation caps into the air. Cas took a moment to stand up, he didn't throw his cap, instead he looked towards the bleachers, looking for the man. But when he stood up, everyone was walking down the bleachers, finding family and friends. Cas pushed his way through the crowd until he was away from the heaviest amount of people, and looked around, almost desperately, for the green eyed man. But he didn't see him. Couldn't find him.

Cas actually felt a little sad about losing him. There was something about him that kept him looking back, and he wanted to examine the face closer to him. Learn his name. Learn everything about him and never stop wanting to learn more.

His parents weren't there, he knew even before he looked at his phone. He got a text from both of them.

_Congrats kid._

_You can move out now right?_

 

Cas sighed, responding, _Yes._

He left the area and found his car in the parking lot. There was Grad night party at the football field, but Cas didn't want to go. He's suppose to move into his apartment tomorrow, and he starts college in a week. Normally, the semester didn't start until August, but Cas signed up for a summer class to get an early start. He didn't have much else to do anyway, only work, which he starts tomorrow afternoon.

He drove back home, and unlocked the door. This time, he left the key on the counter. It'll be the last time he enters the house anyway. His eyes scanned over the packed boxes in his room, reading each one. The bed had an empty mattress with one blanket for tonight.

He laid down on his bed after taking off his cap and gown, and putting his diploma in the last open box. His parents won't be home tonight, and he likely won't see them again in his life. At least he won't have to worry about his parents anymore.

Cas just messed around his phone until he fell asleep in his clothes, and he dreamed about the green eyes and blonde hair.

 


	2. The Color Blue

 

Dean had a print of every image he took. It helped people see exactly how the photo turned out. The family was coming by later this afternoon to pick up the photos. The computer was ready to download the photos chosen onto a spare flash drive for them, and it was five in the morning.

He had tried to sleep, but he only got a few hours before he knew he couldn't fall back asleep. Since then, he's been staring at the photos of the blue eyed boy he took. He wasn't sure if blue eyes was staring at him, or someone near him. A couple times Dean could swear he knew he was staring. That was when he thanked the almighty whatever that he was far enough blue eyes wouldn't have seen him blushing. Besides, Dean doesn't get flustered.

His apartment was a bit of a mess, and he told himself he'd need to clean up at least a little before the family came. Kevin Tran was the graduate. He and Kevin knew each other from high school, they had some of the same classes. But mostly, Dean defended Kevin when he was getting bullied, and they'd been friends since. Kevin was in practically every AP class a kid could take, and he had a ton of extracurricular activities that kept him busy most of the time. Though he kept his summers open. It gave him rest from school and his mom was okay with it.

Kevin was also one year younger than Dean, though no one would have thought of it if you compared their classes. Dean was always an average kid, grade wise. Other than that, he often back talked teachers, and got into trouble when he hung out with a different crowd. Though everyone was used to it by now. It was never that he was failing, he kept his grades up, even when he was suspended, even when he was given detention, even when he almost got expelled. In fact, one of the main reasons Dean didn't get expelled was because he'd always kept his grades up. The teachers were simply persuaded to find their own ways to deal with his behavior. One of his teachers even bribed him to keep it together during class. It was a good enough bribe Dean took it, and the teacher thanked him at the end of the year.

Recently, his professors hadn't been so happy to be introduced to his behavior, and some of his professors bribed him to keep it shut during class lectures when they knew there wasn't much they could do. Dean, as he is, took the bribes and kept it shut for lectures. But when he could, he didn't hold back.

That was just class, compare that to the friends he hangs out with nowadays and anyone would be surprised to know that he even goes to college. Yeah, that's right, college. He goes to the one that's only one town away from the high school, seemed easiest. He could keep his job, and get a degree that could help him in the long run.

But the crowd he seemed to pull himself into was bad. They were the local drop outs, or kids that were barely getting by in the college. Most of them, yes, were drug dealers or some sort of criminal. Though not all of them were the stereotypical druggies. Dean's friend Crowley was the school's main drug dealer. If someone got a bag of pot on campus, it was likely that it came from Crowley at some point. He knows that his sellers have sellers, and he doesn't care. In the end, he gets the most money. Not that he needed it. He was pretty well off for a college kid, which meant his family was likely rich. He wore the best he could, and criticized anyone that tried to make fun of him. He was also, Dean's best friend. They hung out a lot, and mostly that was just heading to several different spots in town to pass a load of drugs off to his sellers.

Dean didn't mind or care enough to stop people or tell the police. He couldn't get away with telling them he's never done any anyway. The kids made these choices themselves. So if they get sick or get addicted, it was their own problem, and Dean wasn't about to convince them otherwise.

Besides, Dean had more important things to deal with himself. Which also included drugs. The police were pretty suspicious of Crowley, and Dean sometimes took his stash to hide so the police would leave him alone. But Dean, again, had more pressing matters.

His apartment was a mess. So, without much else to do, Dean began to clean up the dirty dishes that he always left on the coffee table, taking them to the kitchen and dumping them in the sink. He walked around the apartment collecting dishes, and piled them in the sink when he found them all. Humming ' _Hey Jude'_ he began to wash the dishes, since his dishwasher didn't work he put the washed dishes into the dishwasher to dry. Most of his dishes were just kept in the dishwasher. He didn't have enough dishes to overflow the racks, and though he could stack them in cabinets, he didn't see a point. Whenever he dirtied one, he just stacked it in the sink until he washed it, to then be put back into the dishwasher.

Dean then started cleaning anything else that was on the floor or dirty, and made his apartment presentable. By then it was only six, and Dean had nothing left to do. The family won't be by until around noon, and work starts at two for Dean.

He's been working at a mechanic shop since he was in high school, and made great friends with the owner, Bobby. When Dean's dad was drinking himself to death, Bobby acted as a father, and Dean looked up to him. Bobby was family now, and he always told Dean that he'd leave a space open at the shop if Dean ever left. Besides that, Bobby was a comfort when Dean's at his worst.

He sat down at his desk and stared at the images of blue eyes. How were his eyes so blue? They were oceans and skies Dean had never admired before. It was mesmerizing. Almost hypnotizing. Dean gathered all the photos of blue eyes and put them in the side drawer, stacking them over pens and pencils. Closing the drawer before he stared at them for another hour.

Dean decided he was hungry, and looked around the kitchen for something to eat. Being lazy, he just grabbed a box of cereal off the top of the fridge and poured it into a bowl, grabbing a spoon and eating it dry. The first channel Dean found when he turned on the TV was the sports channel. It was playing a boxing match, Dean wasn't interested. He flipped through the channels until settling on the movie ' _Jurassic Park'_.

He ate the cereal and watched the movie he already knew the plot of. Dean finished his cereal and took it to the kitchen, placing it in the sink before going to sit back on the couch in front of the TV. The movie ended, moving onto _'Skyfall'_ and Dean continued watching. Dean binge-watched the movies the channel played and when the clock showed eleven, Dean got up to change.

Dean usually wore a t-shirt and shorts to bed, since he knew no one would see his scars. It's not that he's self-conscious about them, it's just never the right time to tell people about it. No one has seen it except his family, and even when Sam saw it, he wanted to see all of it. Wanted to know the whole story, and wouldn't leave him alone until he talked. Plus... maybe he was a little self-conscious of it. It wasn't smooth or muscular, and it wasn't the same color as the rest of his skin. The scars were rough and jagged, not really following Dean's muscles, and they were pale and red compared to the rest of him. It wrapped around his left side, and around his left arm. Following down his side to end by his hip, and running down his arm to end just about touching the back of his hand.

He was young, Sam was only a baby, and that was when Dad wasn't a drunk... yet. There was a fire. Dean's never been sure what caused it, but it took the entire house in a split second. The first thing Dean woke to was his mom screaming, and then Sam screaming, followed by his father footsteps. Dean ran to save his brother while his father went to his mom. That was when the roof started collapsing. He grabbed Sammy and held him to his chest. He was over his brother, the baby safely protected in Dean's arms and under his chest. When the roof collapsed, it collapsed everywhere. Landing on everything that was already burned down, and Dean. The wood was aflame when it landed on Dean, and his clothes caught fire a moment later. It didn't take long for it to burn through Dean's clothes and start burning his skin. But Dean had Sam safe, and that was what mattered. The pain was unbearable and he knew he was about to black out, all he could breath was the smoke. His shirt that didn't get burned was acting as a filter for Sam, and so his screams were slightly muffled. He stayed over Sam, and right before he blacked out, he realized he couldn't hear his mom's screams anymore.

Dad started drinking the day after his mom's funeral, and he hasn't stopped since. Not even after the several DUIs he'd gotten. It only stopped when it ended. His dad got into a major collision, and died on impact. So Dean had no parents, and Sam was off at school in another state while Dean stayed here on his own studies. He didn't mind, they called each other at least once a week to check in, but Dean was worried for Sam. Sam was hitting some hard times and neither of them had enough money to spare to take a trip over to the other. Things were getting bad. Dean cared for Sammy, and killed him not being able to see him, Sam was obviously dealing with some stuff that Dean couldn't really help him with. But he wanted to at least be there, yet he couldn't.

Dean put on a clean shirt and a flannel to go over it, changing into a pair of jeans as well. He waited a few minutes before Kevin and his mom came by.

“Hey Dean.” Kevin said when he opened the door.

“Kevin Tran. Come on in.” Dean welcomed them, and led them to the computer with the prints.

“These are great” Kevin commented.

“Wonderful.” Mrs. Tran said.

“Thanks.” Dean responded.

Dean doesn't do much photography on his own. Occasionally friends or family will pay him to take photos for a celebration. It was much cheaper than a professional and it was still great quality. Dean didn't mind, it gave him some extra money for himself, and he didn't do much photography otherwise, so it gave him a chance to delve into it a bit more.

Kevin and his mom picked several out, and Dean transferred the digital copies onto the flash drive, handing it over when it finished. Before they left, Mrs. Tran handed Dean a check, and told him to cash it later in the week. Dean nodded and closed the door shut behind them. Work starts in an hour, and it only took half an hour to get there.

Dean sighed, telling himself he could take the scenic route. He slipped his feet into boots and grabbed his keys. His wallet was in his pocket, and his phone was in the other pocket. Slipping on a leather jacket, he walked out the door a few minutes later. Luckily, Kevin and his mom left already, wouldn't have to worry about running into them.

He went to the garage, heading to his bike. Dean rode a motorcycle, a beautiful black colored Harley Davidson. Some of his friends told him not to get a bike, something about it being dangerous and made him look like he was trying to hard. Whatever. Dean liked it. He hopped on and merged onto the streets, turning onto the highway he sped up.

Usually Dean wore his helmet, sometimes he didn't, it really depended on the route and how long it was. Dean didn't wear his helmet this morning, he liked the feeling of the wind. So he sped down the road, making sure to take the longer route. He arrived just in time.

Bobby was standing outside the shop with the doors open except for one. Dean waved his hand as he drove by, pulling into a parking space available. Getting up, and heading to the main store with the counter and some parts for purchase on the walls.

“Good morning Bobby.” Dean said.

“It's two pm kid.” He responded.

Dean smiled. “Then good afternoon.”

“Car came in this morning with some engine problems. You know the drill. Get to work idjit.”

Dean nodded. “Alright.”

He walked to the car that no one else was looking at and popped the hood. Inspecting it, turning the key, and looking again until finding the problem. He went back to Bobby at the front desk.

“Ignition switch failure. Easy fix.” Dean said.

“Get to it.” Bobby said as he typed up the report.

Dean went back to the car, fixing the problem and closing the hood. He put a tag on the window shield to signify that it was done, as the owners were coming back later in the afternoon.

Then, Dean went to the end of the garage and uncovered the car underneath. It was Dean's project, no one else touched it, and Bobby was okay with him spending time on it. As long Dean was paying for anything it needed.

The car was wrecked. It was his father's impala, and it originally had been totaled. But Dean said he'd fix it up. Sure, the whole frame was crushed, and the engine itself wasn't even worth trying to save, the glass was literally all gone, and even the paint had fallen off. Dean was determined to repair it to it's full glory. He'd end up buying the car itself twice over, but it was more than just a car.

Dean had been working on getting an engine to work on it. Using the old one as an example for everything it needed and how much it could take. He had a computer on the work table nearby for looking for parts.

He was tinkering with the engine when he faintly heard the bell above the door jingle. The person was barely in view from the angle Dean was at. But, he could tell the man was wearing a tan trench coat. Dean looked back at the engine. The man's voice was deep and husky, Dean couldn't help but be curious as to who it was. He looked over again, to see that the man was talking to Bobby over the counter.

Seemed... familiar. The man had dark black hair, and he couldn't be any taller than Dean himself. Dean stared across the garage, half determined to figure out who this guy was. When the man turned to look across the garage, it hit him hard.

_Blue eyes..._

Dean quickly looked away back at the engine, hoping that the man hadn't seen him staring. He couldn't focus on anything, but he pretended to be busy. Thinking of the stash of photos he had back home of blue eyes. The door jingled again and he looked back over. He could see the man leaving through the garage doors with Bobby next to him. Bobby must've thought that he could look at it himself, despite knowing Dean was perfectly available. But Dean ignored it, and went back to the engine, trying to get his mind back to where it was.

Blue eyes left in his car awhile later, and Dean heard Bobby come back in with the jingle of the door. Dean went across the garage to the store where Bobby was.

“You do that one yourself?” Dean asked with a smirk.

Bobby looked at him from under his baseball cap. “Boy had the check engine light on. The car was still working for the most part. If it was about to explode on me I would've called you boy.”

Dean nodded. “Alright.”

“He was staring at you.” Bobby was turned around now, reading some magazine.

Dean was leaning against the door frame. “Really now?”

“Yup. He even asked about you. Well, asked about the mechanics.”

“And you said what exactly?”

“Told him they were all idjits but I can deal with a car too. Told him that most of you go to the college, wouldn't be a surprise to see any of you there.”

Dean nodded. “Okay.”

Bobby looked back at him, still standing there. “Cars ain't gonna fix themselves. Get going Winchester.”

Dean laughed a little and went back to work. Doing more research on the repairs and looking around for parts he didn't already have.

When the day was done, Dean left back on his motorcycle, slightly closer to fixing the impala than last time. At home, Dean fished out the photos of blue eyes and stared at them again. If Bobby was right, he might see him at school. Dean starts next week, taking summer classes, as most kids do now. It got them through gen. ed. faster, and allowed them to take more electives or work more on their major. Dean had nothing else to do anyway, except work, so he took some of his gen. ed. classes during the summer.

Part of him hoped that he'd see blue eyes there, but he knew he wouldn't see him in any of his classes. He also wondered about how his friends would react to blue eyes. Dean didn't think he'd fit into Dean's friends, and that made part of him want to just ignore him. Don't even try because he won't fit in anyway. Whatever happened, Dean had to prepare himself.

 


	3. I don't know his name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know much about Cars, so if it seems off, it probably is. I don't know what I'm doing.  
> Books mentioned do not belong to me, but you should read them.   
> That's it

Castiel woke up at three a.m. without being able to fall back asleep. Tomorrow was his first day at his new college, and he'd already heard that a majority of students are taking summer classes. Which means Cas will have to face most students on his first day, and the classes won't be like any other summer class he's taken. He wasn't looking forward to it.

He spent most his morning trying to decide what to wear. Part of him wanted to just put on whatever, which means something with a design on it.. but that might mean someone will start a conversation with him about his shirt. He'll have to respond. What would he say? What would they ask? No. He should wear something plain. Something that won't point him out much. Then maybe in a week or two he can wear whatever. Maybe. He should try to make friends with someone. Give himself some confidence.

When he ate a spoonful of breakfast, he put on a plain shirt and wore a jacket over it. Covering the scars that ran down his arm. They weren't really noticeable, but Cas was still self-conscious of them.

He's been bullied practically all his life. People scared him, anyone that he thought could hurt him, made his stomach dropped. Which just happened to be almost everyone. He didn't want to take the chance of making someone new hate him.

So Cas covered his scars, and pushed the memories back before walking to school. When he stepped onto campus, he pulled out his phone and stared at the map of the campus. He didn't know his way around, plus staring at his phone was great cover to not talk to anyone. Though he had a book too. The campus was pretty simple. There was one main path that led to the front of every building and circled back around by the shops. A couple of not so secret paths to get from one to the other, and a couple of corners that no one touched and he had the campus. Plus the dorms off to one side, gym and theater off to another, then the track and fields towards the back, with the front facing to the center of town.. He got to class a few minutes early, and sat down at an empty desk. First class. Creative writing class. Cas was excited for it. His high school didn't have one and he wanted to take the class since middle school.

Cas took out his book, _'1984'_ and picked up where he left off. Quickly, his eyes scanned the room, he saw blue hair, red hair, and some with beanies or caps on. He read his book, the professor was reading as well, some others were too, and some were talking to each other. Castiel read his book for a few minutes, until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

“That's a great book you're reading. Have you read _'Animal Farm'_?” The red head asked.

She was smiley, and happy, no older than Cas himself. Cas shook his head.

“It's another great story by the same author. You should read it.”

Cas took a deep breath through his nose. “Thank you. I will try and find it.”

“I have a copy.” She offered. “I've reread it a couple times already, you're free to read it yourself.” She pulled out a paper back copy and held it out to Cas, sitting down next to him.

Cas looked at her, and closed his book, slowly taking hers. “Thank you. That's kind of you.”

“No problem. I'm always willing to spread good stories to other book lovers. I'm Charlie by the way.” She held out her hand.

Cas shook it. “Castiel.” He responded.

“Oh, like the angel?” She smiled.

Cas nodded. “Yeah. Sorta. My mother was very religious.”

“You're not?”

Cas shook his head. “No. I didn't agree with their beliefs... they disowned me a couple years ago anyway.” What? What is Cas doing? He's never given information like this away so quickly. But something about her tells Cas he can trust her.

“Oh... I'm sorry.” Charlie gave him a half hug. “Well. Consider me you're new best friend. You can trust me with anything.”

Cas smiled a bit. “Thank you Charlie. You are a kind person.”

Charlie smiled as the teacher began class.

They went over class expectations, a few projects, and some writing prompts to do over the summer. Then had a class discussion about what else to write about, and what else to do. Charlie came up with book and short story inspirations. While Cas hesitantly offered writing practice like daily journals or a quick write every class.

College didn't have bells, it'll take time for Cas to get used to that, but Charlie dragged him out, heading towards the cafeteria. They sat down at an empty table with some cookies from the counter.

“So Castiel, anything you want to know about this place? I've been here about year.” Charlie said, nibbling on a cookie.

Cas shrugged. “Any professors to look out for?”

“Hmm.” Charlie thought. “There's advanced math and science professors I've heard are pretty strict. But, as far as I'm aware, the professors are really cool.”

Cas nodded. “What about students? Groups?”

Charlie looked around the cafeteria, and gestured to a small group in the corner. “If we're going by stereotypical cliques, they would be the greasers. Don't mention anything bad about cars and they'll pretty much leave you alone.” She pointed to a couple people that were alone or talking to only one other person. “Sports, cheerleaders. Other wise known as, the popular kids. Though they're not actually popular in comparison to anyone.” Charlie looked around again, and pointed to two other kids at another table. “Nerds. I'm mostly with them. Books, games, role playing you name it, they're nerds about it. They're all really nice and accepting. Approach any of them and I guarantee you they will welcome you into the group.”

Cas nodded, following her fingers and gestures to everyone. “Anyone else?”

“Well. By Hollywood cliques they'd be the druggies and/or bullies. You will know them when you see them. One of them wears a dark trench coat, he's the guy everyone goes to for drugs. Don't mess with them. If you get on their bad side, they will not hold back. I've seen what they could do, and you don't want to be in there way. Other than that, their actually pretty decent guys.”

Cas nodded, and wondered which clique the green eyed man might be apart of. He was sure the man went to this school, the mechanic Bobby said most of his workers did.

When it time, Cas and Charlie separated to head to their own classes. Charlie's was nearby, but Cas had his next class in a building on the other side of campus. He knew he wasn't going to be late, so he didn't need to walk very fast. But he passed by the side of one of the buildings that had a couple of benches and an old bike rack. His blue eyes looked over and caught on someone with a leather jacket on. Looking around him, one of them had a dark trench coat on. The drug dealer. They didn't notice him right away, but when they did, the drug dealer looked at him a moment before looking back at the man in the leather jacket. The man moved and leaned against the wall next to the other. When he looked up at Cas, he knew. Green eyes.

Cas looked away quickly. Why was that man in the druggies clique? He didn't seem like the type. Then again, Cas didn't know him at all. His legs carried him faster to the building and didn't look back until he got through the doors. Well... the man was here, and Cas wasn't sure what he was going to do. Should he avoid him? What can he do?

He felt his heart beating in his chest hard, and he watched his hand., seeing that it was shaking, he took a deep breath. How was this man that Cas didn't even know doing this to him? Can he trust him? His heart beat yes, but his mind said no.

Cas hurried to class, taking out his book and looking at the words. Not reading. He couldn't stop thinking about the green eyed man. The man was cute.. handsome. Part of him wanted to meet the man, get to know him. There was something about him Cas just wanted to get to know. But he couldn't convince himself to talk to him. He couldn't even convince himself to talk to anyone unless he absolutely had to. How would he talk to someone he could barely even make eye contact with?

Class started, and Cas pulled himself out of his thoughts, trying to pay attention. Luckily, he was able to enough, and when class was over, he left. Charlie found him and brought him along to a video game store. He didn't have any systems, so Charlie lent him a psp and gave him _'Assassin's Creed Bloodlines'_ to play for awhile. Charlie also convinced him to buy himself a little plastic R2-D2 that was no bigger the his hand. He liked it, and went to work with it still in his backpack.

The local bookshop owner showed him around the store, and made sure he knew how everything worked, then left him alone. Ellen Harvelle owned the store, and her daughter Jo came by once in awhile to help out. But Jo had a dorm at the college and usually stayed there. Cas made himself comfortable behind the counter, bringing out the book Charlie lent him and began to read. Ellen told him to make sure he didn't let customers see him reading, made him look lazy, so whenever he heard the bell jingle from the door, he set the book behind the counter.

He was able to read quite a bit during work, which made him speed through a lot of books. Charlie ran out of books to lend him, and he began to reread some of his favorites. Ellen would let him buy a book for a reduced price every once in awhile, she understood the lack of things to read.

Castiel didn't see the green eyed man much. He was a year older than himself, and apparently he didn't take a lot of elective classes. Sounded like he didn't have much in the way of majors or careers. But Cas still had a small panic attack whenever he did see the man. It happened a couple times when he was with Charlie too. Charlie ignored it for awhile.

“Castiel?” Cas was staring at something passed Charlie. She turned back around, noticing it was the man again. “Castiel?!”

Cas shook his head back to focus and looked at Charlie. “Huh? What?”

“This is like the twentieth time it's happened.” Charlie said. “What is with you and that guy?”

Cas looked at his cooling coffee. Last time he looked, he saw steam rising, now there was none, he took a sip. “I don't know...”

“Castiel...”

“Really.” He looked back up at Charlie. “I don't know. I saw him at my high school graduation... Since then whenever I see him... I just... space out... There's something about him...”

“Do you even know his name?”

Castiel shook his head in shame. “Never talked to him...”

Charlie sighed, and looked behind her once more to spot him. “His name is Dean Winchester. The drug dealer he hangs out with the most is Crowley, and the other one they call Lucifer. Though, no one is really sure that 'Lucifer' is his real name.”

Cas looks passed Charlie at Dean. Dean Winchester. A name to a face now. Cas felt slightly more whole knowing the mystery man's name. He repeated it in his head.

“Castiel.” He looked back at her. “Do not mess with them. Don't even talk to him. The guy hangs out with the worst people in town. You don't need someone like him in your life.”

“Charlie. I can take care of myself.”

“Don't talk to him! Dean is a bad influence. Crowley will do anything to get you to buy something off of him and Lucifer is just insane. Don't get mixed into that crowd. They're only going to hurt you.”

Cas sighed. “What if-”

“No 'what if's. Just always walk away. You don't want to get anywhere near that crowd. Especially Lucifer. He will hurt you over nothing.”

Cas sighed again. “So.. college isn't much different than high school?”

Charlie sighed. “People just take you more seriously and know how to seriously ruin your life. Promise me, you'll stay away from him?”

Castiel thought a moment. Not like he'd ever have the confidence to talk to the man anyway, right? “Fine. I'll do my best.”

Honestly, he did do his best. During his last class, he felt pretty sick and requested to leave early. Grabbing his stuff, not bothering to put it on his shoulder, he carried it in one hand and promised to get the work done by next class. The teacher let him go, with the paperwork and homework in mind Cas left.

Like always, he looked towards the ground when walking, but could tell that there weren't many people on campus. Most must be in class. He left the building, breathing in the air, smelling... cigarettes?

He kept walking, but his eyes scanned for the smoker. They found... Dean. Cas walked slightly slower without noticing, and looked at the man. Dean had a cigarette between his lips, leaning against the wall, with his eyes closed. Cas's heart started beating fast. The guy was standing there, hands in his pockets, leaning against the wall and looking... beautiful.

Cas kept reminding himself to move his feet, still staring at the man. A second later he bumped into someone.

“Oh.. Sorry.” He looked up at the person. Crowley.. with Lucifer..

“Watch it would ya?” Crowley had a thick accent. British, Cas guessed.

“My apologies.” Cas tried to walk passed, but Lucifer grabbed his arm, pushing him back.

“You are not going to just walk away.” Lucifer said.

“Luci. Come on, he apologized.”

“I told you that if you let people get away with things then they won't fear you.”

“I'm selling drugs not fear.”

“And I'm here to make sure the fear is free.” Lucifer glared at Cas. “He's new with one friend.”

“And you think he's a threat?”

“No. Doesn't hurt you to make sure the entire school fears us.”

“I don't need the school to fear me.”

“Maybe not. But wouldn't it be so nice?”

Crowley shook his head. “Get your ass out of here boy.”

Again, Cas tried to leave, but Lucifer stopped him. “We haven't decided what to do.”

“We're not going to do anything. The kid apologized.”

Castiel kept looking between them, until he heard another voice, in which he looked at the ground.

“Guys. The hell are you doing?” Dean.

“Big shot here thinks we should beat the boy up for bumping into us.” Crowley explained.

“Lucifer. Let the kid go. There's people here who deserve a beating. He hasn't done anything.”

Cas clung to Dean's voice as Lucifer let go of him. He managed to squeak out a “Thank you” and kept walking. When he reached the edge of campus he looked back, Dean was already looking at him. Dean gave him a smirk and turned to catch up with his friends.

Cas could've collapsed in a moment had he not sat down at the bench closest to him. What did that smile mean? Was it smug? God... He pulled out his phone and texted Charlie.

_He smiled at me... - C_

_What? Why were you near him? - Charlie_

_Bumped into Crowley.. literally. Lucifer wanted to beat me or something. Dean stopped it. -C_

_. . . Cas . . . we need to talk in person. Meet me at Starbucks after class. -Charlie_

What could this mean? Cas figured he didn't have time to get home before then, so he made his way to Starbucks that was a couple blocks away. He was there first, and ordered a smoothie, sitting down at the table in the corner, waiting.

Charlie came less than thirty minutes later, not getting anything and sitting down by Cas.

“Castiel. Dean Winchester is bad news.”

“You've already told me this.”

“I know. Bear with me. But.. he's a player too. He hits on girls like all the time.”

“He also smokes.” Cas mentioned absent mindedly.

“What?”

“I saw him smoking. It was what caused me to bump into Crowley.”

Charlie just stared at him a moment. “You were checking him out?”

“Well...” Cas fidgeted in his seat. “No.. I was.. watching him.”

“Cas. I don't want to see you get hurt. Stay away from Dean Winchester. He's only going to bring you down. That or his friends will.”

Cas nodded. “Just one question..”

Charlie sighed, and nodded. “Fine. One.”

Cas took a deep breath. “What if.. I really like him? Charlie, what if I can't stop liking him?”

 

 


	4. Drugs and Angel Wings

Dean had smiled at blue eyes. One of those smiles that made someone think about the intention, and start thinking that maybe there was a thing. When Dean had gotten home he punched the living room wall for it. There was a hole straight into the wall now, and Dean had to wrap up his hand after removing several splinter from the wood. How could he smirk at blue eyes? He just saved him from the beating of his life and then he tries to flirt with the kid? That doesn't even make any sense!

He had to think this through. So Bobby let him off for the afternoon, telling him to make sure he got some sleep. Luckily tomorrow was Saturday and he didn't have any classes. Yet, he both skipped dinner and didn't sleep. Mostly, Dean walked around the apartment. Trying to convince himself that he could get away with it. Telling himself that he didn't even deserve to have someone like blue eyes. At least, the kid seemed like a nice person. One of those people that would hold his hand even if he didn't need it, and make breakfast the next morning when they knew he had a bad night. The kind of person that someone needs to have had a good soul to deserve. Dean didn't have a clean record.

When walking around his apartment got boring, he put on some boots and a jacket, heading to the roof. It was easy to get to from the fire escape, and the night was deep, so he had to be quiet. With the occasional rattle of metal, he made it to the roof without waking anyone. He sat down on the edge, legs hanging over above the streets and lit a cigarette, taking a long hit.

The night was dark, and the street lights created enough pollution that there weren't many stars to see from here. But Dean didn't look up, he looked across or down. He could fall right now. His friends would shrug it off, and Sammy would be sad for awhile. There was no one else. Dean was considered an ass and a junkie. Sure, he wasn't the sweetest guy around, but it's not like he was cruel to anyone. People got what they deserved.

Dean swung his feet around to land on the roof , and rested them there. He finished off several more cigarettes before heading back to his apartment. Finding the small stash of pot he got from Crowley for something, he smoked a joint from the open window and went to bed. Thanks to the weed, he actually slept through a majority of his high.

He woke up groggy at about noon, and decided he wasn't hungry. Not like he had much in the way of food anyway. Dean got up and turned on the TV, eyeing the hole in the wall. Flipping through channels for awhile before settling on reruns of some adult rated cartoon show. Work starts in two hours, he reminded himself.

The phone rang a few minutes later, Sammy. Weekly check up. Dean grabbed the phone and answered it.

“Sammy. How you doing?”

Sam sighed on the other end. “Alright I guess.”

“You don't sound alright. What's the problem?”

“I'm fine. I can deal with it.”

“Deal with what Sam? What's happening?”

“I'm... I'm just getting picked on at school. It's a couple of bullies. But I'll be okay.”

Dean sighed, could've been worse. “Don't let them get to you.”

“I know. How about you?”

“Not much. Still working on Dad's old car.”

“Not surprising. How's it coming?”

“Recreated the engine. It fits, and it works. Just need to get it all connected.”

“Are you going to save the door?”

On one of the doors inside the impala, Sam and Dean had carved their initials into it. “Absolutely. Though I might have to cut it out and patch it onto a new one. Haven't been focusing on the exterior yet.”

“Well that's good. I want to see it again when you finish.”

Dean smiled. “I'll be sure to bring it down when I can. Might be awhile though.”

“Right. Well. I gotta go. School stuff.”

Dean chuckled. “Of course you nerd.”

He heard Sam chuckle a bit too. “Bitch”

“Jerk”

Sam hung up first.

Dean sighed. Sam's strong, he can stand up to the bullies. Plus Dean could already tell that Sam was eventually going to beat him in height. So he'll at least have the size advantage. Despite it, Dean worried for Sam. What if it wasn't enough? Dean didn't have enough money to take a trip to him, and Sam didn't either. They were stuck with long distance.

Recently, Dean's been leaving early and taking the longer route to work. He had nothing to do at home, and no one to talk to. He didn't have anyone. It made him feel a bit lonely, though he'd never admit it to anyone. One of the only reasons he was still around was because Sam needed him. Long distance or not. Sam needed him and Dean wasn't about to try anything else. There was nothing left in his life to convince him that he should stay had Sam not been around. Besides, Dean didn't like the though of dying, it scared him a bit, even if he never admitted it to himself.

Riding his motorcycle over to the shop, he was a bit early despite taking a longer route. Bobby let him toy around on the impala until his shift start awhile later, in which he was to repair a busted engine. After that, oil change, then smog check. Maybe Bobby knew something was up with Dean, even if Dean never said anything, but Bobby kept him busy. When there wasn't anything else to do, Bobby made sure Dean was making progress on the impala. Finally getting to the main frame of the car. It was going to take some work and repairs to fix the crushed sides. But Dean was doing a lot of research in trying to repair it, taking notes, finding different ways different things that could work. And when the day was done, Bobby gave him extra on his paycheck. Dean didn't ask, Bobby had his reasons.

By the time Dean got home, he actually felt tired and went to sleep. Repeating the process of work the next day. Until school came around again.

On his way to school, he remembered what happened when blue eyes was leaving last time. It was the first time Dean even spoke in earshot of the kid, and had made him a bit nervous. Then he remembered the smirk he gave the kid, and nearly drove off the side of the road. What was he thinking? How could he just smile like that at the kid? The remembrance made his stomach clench with anxiety. What if he runs into the kid today? What the hell is he going to do then? What is he suppose to do?

Luckily, his friends don't have morning classes, then again, Crowley only had one class and Lucifer didn't even bother signing up for any during the summer. What was today? Monday. Crowley and Lucifer might not even show up, neither of them had classes today. Crowley's was Tuesdays and Fridays, and Lucifer... right, he didn't have any. Dean had to remind himself that they might not show at all, which means Dean would just find a spot to sit and he'd read. He only really read when Crowley and Lucifer weren't around. They always gave him a hard time for reading, especially the classics which Dean favorites. Though he wished the school had more, or he had money to buy them. He especially like first editions. They looked and felt old, it made Dean happy to even hold one. An original format, paper, and cover, it was special. Of the few books he did own, Dean owned only one first edition, for _'Grimm's Fairy tales',_ it had a clear plastic cover for protection and Dean often read the stories just so he could read out of the old book.

With luck somewhat on his side, Dean avoided running into blue eyes and was able to make it to his first class without tripping. Praying to the great whatever when he entered class. Though, he wasn't able to pay much attention to the class, he mostly doodled on the side of his paper and thought about how he was going to avoid blue eyes.

Class ended and he checked his phone while entering the hallway. Text from Crowley.

_Got business today. Have fun with your reading. -KOH_

KOH, stood for King Of Hell, Dean reminded himself before putting his phone away and walking out to the court yard. Kids often considered Crowley and his business 'hell' since no one really comes back from it, and everything is punishable by death. So, with humor, Crowley considered himself the king, and people took it seriously. Now, people refer to his business as 'hell'. He sat down in the corner where no one went, pulling out his book _'Catcher in the Rye'_ and picking up where he left off.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement, looking towards it, and it was blue eyes with the red head. What was her name? Charlie? Something like that. He was pretty sure it was Charlie. Anyway, she was with blue eyes. They sat down at a table, Charlie had her back to him, while blue eyes faced his direction. Dean was laying down on the bench, with a backpack open on the floor, and book held up with his arms and hands. He probably didn't look comfortable but he actually was.

He kept staring at blue eyes. Even from here, he could see how brightly blue they were. Dark hair, light eyes, mesmerizing. Immediately as he saw the kid's face shift over to his direction, he turned back to his book and hoped it wasn't noticeable how much his face just turned red.

His green eyes didn't look back until he had to leave for class, and when they turned in the direction, blue eyes and Charlie were gone already. Probably headed to class as well. He hurried to class, and sat down, reading till the end of the chapter, then promptly looked up at the professor.

Most of his class was spent thinking about blue eyes, and what he could possibly be thinking after that smile Dean gave. What if he takes it the way Dean was intending? What was he intending? Could blue eyes think it was him being smug? Or worse... flirting? He can't flirt with the kid. He doesn't even know his name, least of all even talked to he boy. Maybe he should've payed more attention when he was at the kid's graduation. Instead, his whole head was focusing on watching him, and hypnotized by the color of his eyes. Damn..

Class ended before he even realized, and he was the last out of the room, pretending to have been finishing the worksheet. When he stepped out in the hall, he was the only one. It was weird. Usually someone else was there. Dean took out his book, reading and walking, maybe it'll get his mind away from blue eyes. Into some other world before he had to work, making sure that he wasn't doing anything that could make the car explode. Though, that would actually be quite difficult unless he was intentionally trying. It would also be a bad idea, especially in a mechanic shop. The chances of the other cars exploding, or something. This was just irrational thought. It didn't make any sense, he could never blow up a car unintentionally-

“Shit.” Dean bumped into someone, dropping his book. There were also papers on the floor from whatever... or whoever.. he just bumped into. Dean looked up.. blue eyes...

“My apologies. I wasn't looking” The kid stuttered out, getting on his knees to collect the papers, stacking them on the textbook he was carrying.

“No.. I wasn't looking either.” Dean kneeled down and help him stack the papers.

They finished quickly, and the boy handed Dean's book to him. Dean took it, their fingers brushed slightly and it sent chills all the way Dean's spine.

“Good book.” The boy said as he stood. If Dean was right, the kid was blushing slightly.

“Yeah. I've read it before.”

“Oh.. Why not something new?”

Dean rubbed the back of his head. “Read out the whole library last year. Don't have enough money to buy anything new.”

“Oh..” He said sadly.

“Yeah..” Dean sighed.

They stood their awkwardly for a moment. “I'm Dean.. by the way..” He said, holding out his hand.

The man took it, holding the stack in one arm. “Castiel.”

That's right. The name was familiar, and it matched him well. “Nice to meet you Castiel.”

He nodded, and they again, awkwardly stood there for a moment. “Well. Here.” Cas handed him a copy of _'Nineteen Minutes'_ that was on his stack of stuff. “Read this. I know you haven't read it because it was never in the library. It's a good book.”

Dean hesitantly took the book and looked between the title and Castiel. “Thanks. I'll return it when I'm done.”

Castiel nodded. “You are welcome. I work at the local bookstore most weekends and after school. You can just find me there when you're done. Or find me here at school. Either way.”

Dean smiled a bit and nodded. “Alright. Thanks again man.” He could swear, that Castiel blushed a little harder while nodding his response.

Another awkward moment later, and they said goodbye, heading their separate ways. Dean was looking forward to reading the book blue eyes- er.. Castiel.. lent him. Maybe it was more exciting because Castiel gave it to him to read. Maybe there was something more that Dean felt towards the kid. That both excited him, and depressed him. Remembering that the kid would never fit into Dean's friends, worst of all because his friends almost beat him up. Guess it'll have to be one of those secret things. He should talk to Sammy again.

When Dean was done with work, he rode home feeling a bit uplifted with the book to look forward to. But before he read, when Dean got home he called up Sam. He answered on the second ring.

“Dean? What's up man?”

That was when the moment hit him. He can't be weak and cliché. What he was about ask was a chick flick moment, but he still wanted to tell Sam. “Not much. But uh...”

“What is it? Did something happen?”

“No. no. I just... I think I like someone.”

Silence. “Like seriously?”

Dean nodded before realizing Sam can't see. “Y-yes. Yeah. I think so..”

“How do you know it's not just a crush?”

Dean sighed. “It doesn't feel like 'just a crush' Sammy.” He grimaced as he spoke the next line. “There's something more..”

He could hear Sam's smile on the other end. “What happened to no chick-flick moments Dean?”

“Oh shut up, would you Sammy.”

Sam sighed. “So what if it is? What if it is something more than a crush?”

Dean wiped his face with his hand, and rubbed the back of his head as he paced. “I don't know. He wouldn't fit into my group of friends.” He winced at realizing he just said 'he'.

Sam didn't miss a beat and just knocked it off, he didn't care. He also probably knew already. “And that's a problem?”

“For me it is. Yeah.”

Sam sighed. “I don't know man. Get to know them him then. Talk to him.”

Dean took a deep breath. “Right. I'll work on that.. How about you? Any ladys following you around?”

Sam chuckled a bit. “Actually there is this one girl. She's always in the library, a couple tables from me. But, I think I like her.”

Dean smiled. “Are we going to repeat ourselves, or can you figure out what you're next step is?”

Sam laughed. “No need. I'll talk to her tomorrow.”

“Is she hot?”

“Dean.”

“What? It's just a question.”

Sam sighed. “Yes. She's beautiful.”

Dean grinned. “Good. Go get her tiger.”

“As long as you get yours too.”

“Sure. I'll work on it.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.” Dean hung up first with a chuckle. At least Sam's got something good going for him. Bullies are hard to get rid of. And Dean would know.

He set the phone down on the stand and got into bed with pajamas on. Before reading, he ran his hand over his scars, small phantom pains shooting up at his touch. What happens if Castiel ever sees this? They're ugly and hideous. Why would someone as beautiful as Castiel want someone with scars like these? Red and rough, climbing all over his left shoulder and arm. They were horrific. Dean didn't even want to see them. Why would Cas? Dean stopped himself before he did anything stupid, and read the book before falling asleep with his hand still holding it. Holding onto anything about Castiel that could make him feel better. And prevent him from doing anything harmful to himself. His dreams held onto blue eyes and angel wings.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Books mentioned don't belong to me, but definitely read them. 
> 
> Always get help if you're hurting. read or sleep or draw or color. literally anything else. And stay awesome.


	5. Polaroid Memories

It's been a couple weeks since Cas lent Dean his copy of _'Nineteen Minutes'_ , when Dean returned it, there was something in the back. An old Polaroid photo, the white frame surrounded a picture of the front of the college. The name plastered in concrete, the sun shining on it to create shades around each letter, and the trees on either side. Why would Dean give him this? A trade maybe? It was a great photo, no doubt, but Cas wasn't sure what to think. On the back of the photo, in what must be Dean's writing, he wrote, _Passing Afternoon, by Iron and Wine_. Cas wasn't familiar. When he got home, he opened his laptop he finally got, and looked up what Dean wrote. It was a song. Once after playing it, Cas downloaded it onto his phone.

When Dean had dropped off the book, Cas gave him another one. This time, _'The Book of Blood and Shadow' (Robin Wasserman)_. It became their thing in no time. They didn't talk other than when Dean gave him his book back each time. And each time, Cas would hand over another book for him to read, and Dean would give him a photo, with a song.

The real semester of college began, and more students joined the campus. There weren't many places someone could go without seeing someone now. Cas and Dean were comfortable enough with each other that they nodded to the other when they saw them on campus. Charlie always told Cas to be careful, especially when Dean was with Crowley and/or Lucifer.

Castiel had talked to Charlie about the smile Dean gave him that one day. Charlie ended up following Cas home and they talked most the night about what to do next. With hesitation, Charlie said that Dean might have good intentions about him, but to take it slow. Be careful.

Then Cas ran into Dean, literally. On the spot he decided to try and at least make a friendship with the man. Lending him a book to read. It gave Dean a reason to come back to Cas, and gave Cas a reason to hear his voice again. God. He nearly melted, yet again, when Dean spoke. Don't even get him started on when their fingers brushed. If he hadn't been controlling his breathing, Cas might've actually collapsed. He just hoped that he didn't seem too flustered. Now, whenever he was working, his stomach clenched in hope that Dean might come by with the finished book.

“Cas?” Cas shook his head. “Castiel?”

“Sorry. What?” He looked at Charlie. They were in writing class together, the second of creative writing.

“There's a party coming up. Willing to go?” Charlie asked. They weren't doing much, there was only ten minutes left of class and they were just working on homework.

“A party?”

“Yeah. A friend of mine, one town over. His name's Gabriel, and he's always throwing partys.”

“You've mentioned him before, I believe.”

“Yeah. His parents will be out of the house this weekend, so he's throwing a big party. They'll be candy and treats, he's got a massive sweet tooth, and music, dancing. There's also usually alcohol, but no one's going to pressure you into it. If you don't want to.”

Cas nodded. “Maybe.”

“Come once. I can pick you up, and bring you back. One time, at least. Please?”

Cas smiled a little. “Alright. But we leave when I want to.”

Charlie grinned and nodded. “Deal.”

Castiel saw Dean a couple of times and, like before, he often caught himself staring at the man. Since lending Dean the first book, he's only fallen in love with him more. Yeah.. he knew he liked Dean a lot more than he though before. But he didn't know if Dean felt the same way. So, he continued to admire from afar when he could, and spent his dreams being more than friends with him. Cas considered them friends by this point.

There was a box that Cas had in his bedroom, of all the photos Dean had given him, and his music playlist was growing with all the songs Dean gave him. The last photo Cas got when Dean gave him back the book, was a picture of a rose bush. Bright red against the green leaves. Cas carried that one with him now. Used it as a book mark in the book he was reading now.

Later that week, Dean gave him back his copy of _'The Da Vinci Code'_ and this time Cas got a picture of some bright colored candy, instead of a song, it was a statement in Dean's scrawl. It read, _Come to Gabriel's party._

He told Charlie that he decided he really did want to go, and she planned to pick him up at six Saturday night. Charlie told him the parties literally last until the sun comes up the next morning, and the only reason it ends is because most people passed out, waking up with massive hang overs. Probably including Gabriel too.

Saturday came, and Castiel's stomach clenched in anticipation. He worked until five, so he had some time to prepare after work. The bookstore was like any other day, he knew Dean won't be by, he just gave him a new book two days earlier. So work went by in a flash, dealing with a few customers like usual.

He hurried home and looked at the clock the moment he got through the door. He had some time. Charlie will be here at six, he reminded himself. With a deep breath, he went to his closet, staring at the unmoving clothes as if waiting for one to raise a sleeve and scream 'me me!'. What the hell was he going to wear? Dean will be there. He might not have a chance with Dean, but something in him wanted to somehow test the barriers. Bend the walls with curiosity until he got a real answer, he was holding onto hope right now.

Charlie came by a bit early, and helped him pick something out. She was in a crimson red dress that wrapped around her curves well. She helped Cas choose a dark button up, and some jeans that looked a bit worn. It helped show that he wasn't trying hard and that he was comfortable, she said. Cas just went with it. His stomach was hurting so much, he didn't think he'd eat at all.

The drive was relatively short, the house was more on the outskirts of town rather than in the center. Charlie pulled into a very large three story house with a full garden yard and a pool to the side. It also somehow had an area that everyone used as the parking lot.

Charlie held his hand and dragged him inside. There were colored lights flashing and swinging around, while the house lights remained off. The kitchen was to the left, kids already have drinking contests, while there was a bar area to the right. His bar was fully stocked, and there were tables and chairs, along with a pool table and some slot machines. Cas could barely see there was a pinball machine in the corner with so many kids surrounding it watching each other play in fascination.

Soon, he was introduced to Gabriel, the party thrower, who was mixing drinks behind the bar. He was sucking on a lollipop when Charlie dragged Cas up.

“Hey Gabe!” Charlie was yelling over the loud music that was pounding through Cas's head.

He turned and smiled upon seeing her. “Charlie. How are you?”

“I'm good. This is my friend Castiel.”

He grinned and took the lollipop from his mouth, holding out one hand. “Nice to meet a fellow angel.”

Cas smiled a bit. “It's nice to meet you too.”

Gabe turned back to Charlie. “So how's Dorothy?”

Dorothy was Charlie's girlfriend who lived farther south. They had separated for college, but kept in a long distance relationship. “She's good last we spoke. Working on some big projects for school.”

“Good to hear.”

Someone yelled from across the bar, “Hey bartender! Need a refill here!”

“Gotta host the party. Maybe I'll see you later.” He yelled over the music before refilling and mixing drinks for everyone.

Cas couldn't even think about eating something, least of all drinking. He was underage, but he wasn't about to say anything about it here of all places. There were plenty of bowls of chips and dip. But most of the food placed out, was bags or bowls of sugary candy. Gabriel really did have a massive sweet tooth.. His mind wandered to questioning where Dean could be.

“I'm gonna go dance. Do you wanna come?” Charlie asked him.

He shook his head in response. “No.”

“Okay. Enjoy yourself. Come find me if you need me.” She walked out of the bar area, grabbing a beer that was in a cooler on her way out.

Cas stood awkwardly where he was before deciding to discover the place. He walked around the first floor, and told himself it was too crowded, moving to the second floor via the main staircase. The second floor wasn't as crowded, the music wasn't as loud either, he could at least hear himself think. It had some groups of people talking, and some already drunk couples making out behind closed doors.

Castiel went to the back hallway, where the music was quietest. He had noticed upon entering the second floor hallway, that the third floor was off limits. Gabriel had blocked it off. So Cas looked out the window that viewed the pool, watching kids swimming in it, some fully clothed others in swimsuits. A quick look back down the hall told him he was the only one down this hallway. The others he saw were closer to the main staircase.

A few minutes of staring across the hills that were beyond Gabe's house, and he felt a presence. Someone else was with him. He turned around and saw Dean Winchester walking his direction. Cas's stomach flipped, but he remained in some control. Dean came and stood next to Cas, staring out the window. Cas just stared at him. Looking at the green of his eyes that shown in the downing sunlight.

“Hey Cas.” Dean's rough voice melted through Cas.

His blue eyes looked away and out the window. “Hey.”

“You've got a good taste in books.” He said. “They're... they're good reads.”

Cas squinted at him. “Have you been drinking?”

“A little. Couple of beers.” Dean answered, looking at him.

Cas stared at him, Dean stared back. They stood there for the longest minute of Cas's life, just staring at each other in some hopeful passion. Blue eyes were the first to look away.

“Where did you get a Polaroid camera? And film?” Cas asked.

“There's this thing called _Impossible Project_. They make cameras and film. But I had my camera for awhile, I just never used it very often. But I ordered film recently so. I'm using it again.”

Cas couldn't tell if he was nervous, or it was the beers talking and making him over explain. He pushed it away. There was nothing left to watch out the window, so Cas turned around and was about to walk away when a hand grabbed his arm.

He stopped and looked back, meeting bright green eyes. Dean pulled Cas towards him. Closer. Closer. Until Dean's other hand held Cas's face. Slowly, Dean got closer and closer until Cas met his soft plump lips against his own.

He bit down slightly on his own lip for a second before kissing back against Dean. Pushing and pulling, Dean backed him against the nearest wall, trapping him. Dean had one arm against the wall, next to Cas's head, while the other ran to the back of Cas's head and pulled him closer. Cas's hands acted on their own as one gripped onto the edge of Dean's jacket, while the other laid flat against Dean's firm chest.

Cas sucked in a breath and Dean's tongue went with it, discovering his mouth. Dean tasted like beer and cigarettes, but there was another flavor distinctly defined as Dean. They stayed there, against the wall until they needed air. They broke apart, Dean looked at Cas a moment before looking down at their feet.

Cas curled his eyebrows in worry, despite knowing his face must be beet red. Dean sighed.

“Sorry..” He said quietly. So quietly, Cas almost didn't catch it. But before Cas could respond, Dean left in a hurry. Walking quickly down the hall before Cas could stop him. By the time Cas reached the main staircase he lost him. His feet desperately took him outside, where he heard the roar of an engine. Blue eyes frantically looked around, only to catch the jacket that he had been gripping onto a moment ago, fly down the drive way on a motorcycle and onto the high way. Not only was Dean drunk on some accord.. he just gave Cas the kiss of his life and ran. There were so many reasons to be worried for Dean right now and Cas felt them all hit his heart.

His slumped shoulders found Charlie still dancing and having fun, so he decided to get a different ride. He called a taxi, and took it back home. Texting Charlie and letting her know where he went so she won't worry. Though Cas was sure she was already pretty drunk and might've not even made it to the car. So Car went home.

He laid in his bed, still clothed, staring at the ceiling trying to process what just happened. Dean kissed him. He kissed him. There was no doubt about that and he relived the memory of tasting Dean over and over. But what was that? That whole run away thing? What was going on in that pretty head of his? Cas should try and find him on Monday. Talk to him about what happened. Because... now Cas was completely sure.. that he loved dean.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, books and songs do not belong to me, but you should read and listen to them. 
> 
> The "Impossible Project" is totally real, look it up, and they really do have old Polaroid cameras that work. As well as film in different colors. If you are interested, check out their website, it's amazing.


	6. Dean's Demons

Dean woke up in a bed, not his bed, and he faintly heard the beeping of a machine. Something hurt. What hurt? Everything ached. What the hell happened last night? The party... music... Cas! He kissed Cas. Then he ran. Sped down the drive way and onto the road. God how could he do such a thing? Cas deserved better then him. How could he just kiss him like there was going to be something else? Why would he ever lead Cas on?

“Mr. Winchester?” A female's voice broke through his thoughts.

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking back the bright lights. Hospital?

“You were in a vehicle collision. Do you remember anything?”

Dean looked at the nurse, she reminded him of Cas. Dark hair and light eyes. He nodded. “Yes. Sort of.”

She sighed. “You were drinking and driving. Crashed off the road.”

“When can I leave?” He asked.

“The doctor will come back and check on you. You can ask him then.”

Dean nodded. “Where's my stuff? And my car?”

“You motorcycle is in a shop. Someone named Bobby said he'd take care of it. Said he was a friend of yours. The rest of your stuff is with this Bobby as well. He offered to come get you when you get released.”

Dean took a deep breath and winced at the pain. At least everything was with Bobby.

“The Doctor will be right with you.” She said before leaving the room.

Dean looked down on himself. There was a thick bandage around his right thigh, and he had a wrist brace around his left wrist. His hands felt his face. He had a few stitches above his right eyebrow and on his left cheek. Those were only his major injuries. He had a big number of scrapes and cuts around as well. Along with bruises that were turning purple slowly.

A man in a white lab coat came into the room. “Mr. Winchester. I'm Michael, your doctor.”

“Hi.” Dean responded. “When can I leave?”

The man sighed. “I can release you right away. You don't have any internal bleeding and surprisingly no broken bones. We're going to give you crutches though, you got a deep cut on your thigh so we want to make sure that you don't reopen the stitches. You sprained your wrist as well. So keep the brace on for a few weeks.”

Dean nodded. “Sounds good.”

Michael looked once at the chart on the foot of Dean's bed. “Come back in a week to check up, and you should be good. I'll sign your release papers and have nurse Barnes bring you your street clothes.” He set the chart back down and left the room.

A few minutes later nurse Barnes, the one from earlier, came back with his clothes. “I washed them the best I could. But there's still some blood stains.” She placed them on the bed.

“Thank you.” Dean said, slowly swinging his legs off the bed.

“No problem.” She said. “I'll be back to help you out. Here's a phone. Call your friend.”

Dean took the phone, “Thanks.” The nurse left with a smile, closing the door behind her.

Wincing at all the pain, Dean changed into his street clothes without standing but with difficulty. He sat with his legs off the bed, and called Bobby.

“Dean?” Bobby answered.

“Hey Bobby. I need a ride out of here.”

There was silence for a moment. “You're a real idjit you know that?”

Dean chuckled a bit. “I know. Can you come get me?”

“Yeah I'll come get you.” He hung up.

The nurse came back, with a wheel chair and crutches. “Regulation. Wheel chair first.”

Dean nodded, and carefully sat down on the wheelchair with some help. Nurse Barnes wheeled him out the front door, where Bobby was waiting with crossed arms. The Nurse took the wheel chair away from Dean, switching it with the crutches, and went back inside with a smile.

Bobby just looked at him in silence as Dean took the crutches and hobbled over to him.

“Your bikes a wreck thanks to you.” He said.

Dean smiled a bit and nodded. “Good to know. I'll fix it up.”

“It's being worked on. Don't worry about it. Come along idjit.” Bobby led him to the car, and helped him inside.

Bobby sat in the drivers seat, but didn't start the car. He stayed silent a moment. “What the hell happened Dean?” Bobby spoke.

Dean sighed. “I was drinking.”

“I know that dumbass.” Bobby looked at him.

Dean rubbed his face. “There's... a guy. I was drunk, and I kissed him. So I ran.”

“You ran away after kissing someone you liked?”

“Yeah. He deserves better.”

Bobby just stared at him a moment. “You're a real idjit you know that?” He starts the car.

Dean just nodded. “Right.”

Bobby drove Dean to his apartment, and said to call him for rides if he needed. Since Dean didn't have another car. He also gave Dean the week off from work, but he was welcome to come by and work on the impala if he was up to it. Before he left, Bobby gave Dean the rest of his stuff he was holding onto.

When Dean finally looked at the clock, it was late afternoon on Sunday, at least he didn't sleep through the entire day. He carefully settled onto his couch, turning the TV onto some adult cartoon show. Eyeing the most recent book Cas lended him. Part of him wanted to read it and give it back, but another part of him didn't want to even face Cas again. Though he might not have a choice if he can't really run away.

There was still a hole in his wall from the beginning of summer, and he almost wanted to add another. But it was too hard to even get up at this point, so he stayed on the couch and scratched at some of his cuts, making them bleed again.

By the time Monday rolled around, Dean had managed to change and eat before calling Crowley for a ride. He figured if he stayed near Crowley and Lucifer, Cas won't try and talk to him. Just maybe, he could get away with it. Crowley didn't ask about what happened, just assumed Dean fucked up somehow and took him to school. Then helped him out, and walked towards his own class. Dean hobbled to his class, taking the elevator up, and sat down in class just before the professor started talking. No one else asked about what happened, but he got some stares and curious looks.

Class ended, and he waited until everyone else had already left to leave the classroom. He kept an eye out for Cas, hoping to not run into him. Luckily, he met up with Crowley and Lucifer, which relaxed him a little.

The week continued much the same. He saw Cas, but Cas didn't get near him and he figured it was because he was with Crowley and Lucifer. He felt bad whenever he saw Cas, and part of him really wanted to make it up to the kid. Though he also didn't want to relive what he did to him.

By the end of the week, Dean was still on crutches and like usual he was the last to leave the room. This time, he had stayed behind twenty minutes to talk to the professor about what happened. She was finally able to catch him after class and ask him about what happened. So he ended up staying behind awhile to talk. The professor was nice, and made sure he was okay before he left.

When he went into the hallway, he was the only one. He forgot about the first time he and Cas ran into each other here, so he hobbled down the hall without much thought. When he rounded the corner at the end of the hall, where the elevator was, Cas was leaning against the wall by the elevator. Blocking his way. Dean froze, he knew he couldn't run, not with crutches, and his stomach dropped. Now he has to face him. Cas stared at him with a stern face, and Dean's eyes darted to the floor.

Cas walked up to him, looking at him with squinted eyes and crossed arms. Dean couldn't look at him.

So he quietly said, “Sorry.”

Cas grabbed Dean's jacket and pushed him against the wall, his crutches falling to the floor. “What the hell happened?”

Dean looked at him now, staring into his eyes. “I crashed.”

“You know what I mean.” Cas said. “Why'd you run? You've been avoiding me all week.”

Dean couldn't answer, he opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't find an explanation. He looked down in shame, staring at his feet.

Cas sighed, and let go of his jacket. He picked up Dean's crutches and handed them to him. Dean took them back, just holding them in his hands, staring at Cas. Then he just stood there, staring back at Dean. Slowly, Dean took a book out of his backpack and handed it to Cas. Dean had read it, just didn't figure out how he was going to give it back yet. But now, as long as he was there, Dean gave him back the book. Cas took it from him, their fingers brushing slightly. Without so much as another word or answer, Cas walked away down the hall.

Dean stood there, leaning against the wall for a few minutes. Damn. Cas was mad at him, and he wasn't sure what he was going to do next. It didn't feel good, it made him feel worse. Back on the crutches, Dean went down and went out the door. His mind set on finding Charlie.

Luckily, Charlie often hung out with a group of friends at the library after school. It was Friday, which usually meant they were discussing a movie marathon before going to Gabriel's. Dean only knew because Gabriel once invited him to join after talking with him in class. Dean hurried to the library, using the handicapped button to open the door, and hobbled inside. Looking around for Charlie. Finding her sitting at a table, it only took a couple minutes before they got up to leave, and Charlie stopped walking by Dean.

“Dean Winchester. What happened to you?” She asked as everyone else left without her.

“I crashed after the party.” He answered.

“Oh..” She looked worried. “I'm sorry.”

“It's fine. But uh...” He looked down. “Where does Cas live?”

She stared at him. “What?”

“I need to talk to him. He tried to talk to me earlier but I couldn't think.. and I need... to..”

“Stop.” Charlie interrupted, she smiled, and pulled out a piece of paper and pen. She wrote down Cas's address and handed it to him. “Don't mess it up Winchester. He really likes you.”

“I know that now... I really like him too.” He said, looking at the address.

Charlie looked at him with a smirk. “Just be careful Dean.” She said before leaving the library.

Dean nodded, staring at the address. He hobbled out to the parking lot, he got his motorcycle back awhile ago. Luckily there wasn't too much damage to the bike itself, so Bobby was able to fix it up in just a few days. He found Cas's apartment building pretty quickly, and parked, taking a deep breath.

He got off his bike, and stood there for a moment. His mind told him his leg didn't hurt that much, and so he walked to the front doors without crutches. There was so much fear and nervousness going through him he couldn't feel much else. Dean took the elevator up to Cas's floor, and he was rubbing the back of his head. Finding his door, he was about to knock but his hand stopped before hitting the wood.

Dean took a deep breath, rubbing his face, and trying to convince himself to just knock. Talk to Cas. Explain. Tell him that... that....

The door opened, and Cas was standing there, in a long sleeve shirt and pajama pants. Dean looked at him with surprise. About to ask before Cas answered.

“I heard your bike engine.” He said, holding the door open.

Dean put his hands in his pockets. “Oh..”

“Where are your crutches?” He asked, looking at Dean.

Dean realized, he's right, he forgot the crutches. “Probably with my bike.”

Cas kept watching him. “Why are you here?”

Dean took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk... about.. earlier.. and.. the party...”

Cas looked down with a deep breath, then slowly looked back up at Dean. But his eyes went back down to Dean's thigh. “Dean, your leg is bleeding.” He said worriedly.

Dean looked down, and sure enough, there was a blood stain slowly growing against his leg. Cas pulled Dean inside and had him sit down on the couch. “Don't move. I think you ripped your stitches.” Cas said.

Dean shook his head. “I don't feel anything.”

Cas looked at him. “I'll be right back. You're going to need to take your pants off.”

Dean looked up at him. “What?”

“The injury is on your upper thigh. Unless you can roll your pants that high, you're going to need to remove them. Here's some sweatpants, put them on and roll them up.” Cas walked out of the room after tossing a pair of sweats to Dean.

Before Cas returned, Dean carefully took his pants off and changed into the spare sweatpants. They were just plain grey, and Dean rolled them up above the bandages, luckily getting no blood on the cloth. Cas came back with a box of first aid stuff. He pushed Dean back on the couch so he was laying down, with the injured leg opposite the back of the couch. Cas started to remove the bandages, carefully rolling them off.

“How did you forget your crutches?” Cas asked.

Dean sighed. “I didn't feel anything.. I was nervous.. too much adrenaline I guess..”

Cas set aside the old bandages and began removing the torn stitches, cleaning up any blood as well. “You were nervous?”

“Yeah... I wanted to talk to you.. but I didn't exactly know what to say either...” Dean watched Cas work as he started restitching the wound. “How do you know how to do this?”

Cas sighed. “I got beat up a lot. Parents weren't home very often and I could never get myself to the hospital.”

“Why didn't you call 911?”

“The one time I did my parents got on my ass about the expense. Things just got worse if I called so I learned what I could and just took care of it myself.” He said nonchalantly.

Dean stared at him. “I'm sorry Cas.”

“It's fine. Not like you could've helped then. It's in the past.” Cas said, tying the end of the stitches, and covering it back up with bandages.

Dean sighed. “I can help now.”

Cas quickly finished and tied the end of the bandages. Then rolled down the sweatpants. “You shouldn't walk on this leg.” He started cleaning up the first aid stuff.

“Cas...”

“I can help you to your bike, but you should go back to the hospital..”

“Cas..” Dean sat up and grabbed his face, forcing him to look at Dean.

“Dean.” Blue eyes stared into green ones. “You should really go back to the hospital. My stitches aren't the best.”

Dean switched between Cas's eyes. His thumb gently rubbing Cas's cheek. “Cas..”

“You were drunk that night.” He said quietly. “But why would you run? Any other drunk person would've tried to do something more.”

“I was scared. I thought you deserved someone better and I was only leading you on.”

Cas stared at him. “So you thought you'd drive away, while drunk, and then just avoid me the rest of your life?”

Dean took a deep breath, but couldn't find any words, so he just let it back out. “I didn't want to..” Somehow finding some words.

Cas sighed. “Than what would you rather do?”

Dean pulled Cas's face towards his own until he met his lips. Running his hands through Cas's hair. A moment later Cas kissed back against him and slid his hands into Dean's hair. Cas broke, and rested his forehead on Dean's.

“How about I take you to the hospital tomorrow?” Cas offered.

Dean smiled. “Okay Cas. I can do that.”

He smiled and bit his lip, looking at Dean. “Scooch.” Cas carefully rolled over Dean, and laid down between him and the back of the couch, resting his head on Dean's shoulder with his arm around Cas. While Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist.

Dean smiled down at Cas, and watched as he got comfortable against him. Part of him was scared that Cas might feel Dean's scars, but he pushed it aside for now. He didn't want to ruin this moment. Cas gave him a kiss before nuzzling into his shoulder, and closing his eyes. Dean's hands held onto Cas, and he rested his head against the pillows, allowing himself to fall asleep.

 


	7. Angel Wings

Castiel woke up with Dean's arms still wrapped around him, and his own holding onto his hands. He slowly turned around, facing Dean, who was awake already. Dean smiled, giving Cas a kiss on his forehead.

“What time is it?” Cas asked groaned.

“I'd say about eleven.” He said checking his phone.

Cas mumbled into Dean's shoulder. Something about not wanting to leave this. Dean chuckled a bit, and held him closer, arms still wrapped around Cas's waist. Cas slipped his arms around Dean's waist and held tight, nuzzling into his chest. Dean's chest rose with each breath.

“We gotta get up Cas. Remember? Gotta go to the hospital.” Dean's rough morning voice spoke.

Cas just groaned in response. “Your crutches are still with your bike huh?”

“Haven't moved much. So yeah.”

“I don't need your sass Dean.”

Dean chuckled as Cas hesitantly held himself up with an elbow. His groggy blue eyes staring at Dean's green ones. Cas held Dean's face, rubbing his thumb along the man's jawline and over the stitches on his head. He leaned in to meet his lips, balancing on one elbow, and Dean leaned into the kiss. Allowing his hands to slip slightly under Cas's shirt, his fingers resting on Cas's bare hips. Cas shivered slightly with the contact, and broke the kiss, staring back into his eyes.

Sighing, Cas carefully rolled back over Dean, landing on the floor softly. Dean watched him, turning onto his back, head tilted staring at Cas. His eyes running up and down the man's body. Cas stretched a bit before looking back at Dean, catching him staring at his ass.

Cas smiled. “Not now Dean.”

Dean gave him a wolfish grin. “But maybe later?”

Cas just smirked in response and went to put on new clothes. Pushing into a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt, realizing his jacket was on a hook by the door. He slipped on some shoes, and walked back out to Dean, who was struggling to put his pants back on.

Cas chuckled a bit and went to help him. Holding Dean up off his injured leg as they pulled his pants up the rest of the way. Then helping him zip and button them. Gently rubbing over his stomach when they finished as Dean stood on one leg, letting the other go limp. Dean looked down at Cas's hips, letting his hands grip them again, slipping under the hem of Cas's shirt. Cas's fingers wrapped around Dean's jacket.

“Why didn't you ever take your jacket off? Must've been uncomfortable.” Cas said.

Dean shrugged. “Wasn't that uncomfortable.”

Cas nodded, feeling like there was something else about it that Dean wouldn't say, but he shrugged it off for now. That's when he remembered his scars. The lines that ran across his wrist and down his arm. Suddenly getting self-conscious, he pulled away and went to put on his jacket. Just hoping that Dean hadn't seen them yet, he wasn't sure if he was ready to show them to anyone. Though, no doubt people have seen them when they peeked out from under his sleeve, they just don't say anything.

Cas slipped into his jacket, and went back for Dean. “Alright. Lets hobble you out to my car.”

“What? You don't want to ride on my bike?” He asked teasingly.

“I don't think it's a good idea for your leg Dean.”

“Been doing it a couple days already.” He smirked.

Cas just sighed. “We're taking my car. Come on.”

“Fine. Next time.”

“Sure Dean. Next time.”

Cas helped Dean out to his car, helping him into the passenger seat before finding Dean's bike and stealing the crutches off of the side. Dean had hooks that were holding them. He also noticed some scrapes and dents. Probably from the crash. Cas pushed it away and headed back to the car, putting the crutches in the back seat. Driving off onto the road toward the hospital.

“So.. Tell me your story.” Dean said.

“My story?” Cas asked.

“Yeah. Family. School. Friends. Stuff like that. I hardly know anything about you minus your taste in books.”

Cas sighed. “Uhhh..” Thinking. “Family. Two parents who equally disowned me a couple years ago for being gay. No brothers or sisters that I'm aware of although I would never know. Parents were usually out on business trips, left me alone all the time.”

“I'm sorry man.” Dean said.

“It's fine. I'm over it. Your turn. An eye for an eye.” Cas responded.

Dean smiled a bit. “Mom died when I was younger. Dad died a couple years ago, drinking and driving. Wrecked the car. I have one brother, Sam, he's at a different school farther south.”

“Did you not learn from your father's mistake?” Referring to his crash.

“Guess not.” Dean sighed.

“Tell me about Sam.”

“He says he want to become a lawyer. Great kid. Good grades. Hoping he'll get a scholarship, I don't really have enough money to send him anywhere nice. He's strong. But he gets picked on. Just trying to get him through school for now. Soon he'll tower over me. Maybe it'll make his bullies go away.”

“Do you guys talk a lot?”

“At least once a week we call each other to check in.”

Cas smiled. “That's good.”

Dean nodded. “So how about you? School.”

“Got bullied most of grade school, all the way through high school. Until the graduation. Haven't seen anyone I recognize yet.”

“But now you got me.” Dean wiggled his eyebrows with a grin.

Cas laughed a little. “Sure. I've got you who can't even walk at the moment.”

“I got crutches.”

“Touche.” Cas pulled into the hospital drive way. Getting out and grabbing the crutches, holding them for Dean as he limped out. They walked into the hospital, and a nurse that recognized Dean took him back while Cas waited. He pulled out his phone and called in sick at the bookstore. Then sat down in the waiting room. Sitting next to some mother that was a second away from crying, and someone else who was desperately waiting for some sort of news. Cas stared at his phone, playing some cheesy puzzle game to keep himself distracted until Dean came back out twenty minutes later.

Dean smiled at him, still on crutches. He talked to the nurse a minute, before heading over to Cas. “Hey.”

“Still on crutches I see?”

Dean smirked. “Ripped my stitches remember? One more week they said.”

“And to stay off of his leg for the rest of the weekend.” The nurse spoke coming over. “Nurse Barnes. Are you a friend?”

“Yeah. Sort of.” Cas said, shaking her hand.

“Keep an eye on him until Monday. Until then, make sure he's not walking at all. Other than that, he'll have some scarring and should be good to walk again in a week.”

Cas nodded. “I'll take care of him.”

“Behave Winchester.” The nurse said before heading back to the main counter.

Cas led Dean back to the car and helped him in before heading back to his own apartment. Dean sat down on the couch, resting his leg on the coffee table and Cas sat next to him, tangling their fingers together. He grabbed the remote for the TV and turned it on to a random movie.

“Are you hungry?” Cas asked.

“Starving.” Dean looked at him. “Got any pie?”

Cas laughed a bit. “Probably not, but I can make one.”

“Ooh, even better.” Dean smiled.

Cas kissed Dean's hand, and went back into the kitchen, looking for ingredients. There was a knock on his door before he was even able to get anything together. He wondered who it was, but didn't think much of it. Opening the door to reveal a women younger than him, with dark hair like his own.

“Hi..” She said nervously. “Are you Castiel Novak?”

He looked at her with confusion. “Yes. Can I help you with something?”

She put out a hand. “My name's Anna. Anna Milton.”

Cas took it with more confusion. “My apologies, but do I know you?”

“I wouldn't think so. I didn't know you until recently.”

Cas was just getting more confused and lost each time she spoke. “I'm very confused..”

Anna took a deep breath. “I'm your sister..”

Castiel looked back at her with wide eyes and no words.

 

Dean was sitting on the couch, only hearing vague mumbling. Castiel came back, standing facing Dean. “Dean.. This is... my sister...”

The women came around next to Cas, and put out her hand. “Anna Milton.”

Dean shook it with confusion. “What now?”

“Sister...” He said again.

“I know this must be very confusing..” Anna said. “I didn't know you existed either. But suddenly, my parents.. or.. our parents were home more often. And I wanted to know what changed..”

Cas looked at her. “You lived with them?”

“Yes. But they were on business trips every once in awhile.”

“How often?”

Anna shook her head. “Maybe every other week. A few times a month.”

Cas sighed. “That's the only time they were ever home for me.”

“Oh... they told me that they mostly worked at home but every once in awhile they had to travel.”

“Where are you from Anna?” Dean asked.

“California.”

Cas plopped down next to Dean. While Anna hesitantly sat on the spare chair across the coffee table in silence. Dean looked at Cas then Anna. “Well.. I can see the resemblance.” Awkward smile. Anna bit down on her lips. “So, how come you have a different last name than Cas?”

Anna shrugged. “They went with our mother's maiden name.”

“They went with our father's name.” Cas said.

Silence. All of them avoiding each other's eyes. “There's not anymore brothers or sisters you two don't know about right?” Dean asked.

“Not that I could find.” Anna said. “I tracked down medical records and emails and texts and phone calls. I couldn't find anyone else. But they suddenly dropped contact with you almost a year ago. And they were home more often. They said it was because they were promoted and didn't have to travel as much. I'm not sure where they go now. It's about once every two months they leave for the weekend. I think their just trying to keep up appearances thought.” Cas and Dean nodded in some understanding. “May I ask why they suddenly dropped contact?”

Cas looked at Dean, and Dean tangled their fingers together, squeezing in reassurance. “I told them I was gay.” He looked back at Anna. “They disowned me a couple years ago, but had to keep taking care of me since I was still under eighteen. When I graduated, moved out a day later and haven't heard from them for about a year.”

Anna nodded. “I can see you found a boyfriend though..” Looking at Dean. Cas fidgeted a little. “He's handsome. I'm happy for you.” Cas breathed out a sigh of relief. “Our parents might be very religious, but I'm not as strong as them. I believe with them. But I don't always agree with what they have to say.”

Cas nodded. “That's a relief..”

Anna smiled, and stood. “Well... it was nice to meet you two.”

Cas stood after her, walking with her to the front door. He held the door open as Anna stepped out. “Thank you Castiel.” She said, turning around and looking at him. “Our parents kept you a secret. Did you know that they were actually planning on having us meet? I mean.. of course you couldn't.”

“When was this?” Cas asked.

“When you were in middle school. They had a notebook of notes.. About when we should meet. Their reasons for always being away. That sort of thing. They were almost done planning on having us meet your freshman year of high school... when they stopped. Most of what I found was emails and messages about it. They had torn up the notebook and threw it away. Like you never existed. It was wrong of them to do that just because of who you love. I support you.”

Cas nodded with a smile. “Thank you Anna. It means a lot. You're not going to tell our parents are you?”

Anna shook her head. “Absolutely not. This'll be between us. Here's my cell.” She handed him a slip of paper with numbers neatly written on it. “Call me when ever you like. I don't live with our parents anyway, so don't worry about it. I want to be there for you now, since I wasn't back then.”

Cas looked at the numbers, tears just beginning to form in his eyes. “Thank you again Anna. I'm glad I still have family.” Anna gave him a hug before she had to leave.

Afterward, Cas silently plopped down next to Dean, who immediately wrapped his arm around Cas's waist. Cas leaned into Dean's shoulder and let himself cry. Dean understood, there were no words that had to be said. Dean rubbed up and down his arm, reassuring.

Cas knew that Dean wasn't going to leave him. Dean may be wreck less, but Cas will always come when he calls.

 

Cas was able to help Dean to the bed when it got late. Dean completely forgot about his scars until Cas already had his jacket off. He'd been laying down, eyes closed as he made it difficult for Cas to get him undressed. But when Cas stopped suddenly, he felt his fingers run over the rough scars along his arm. He sat up, looking at Cas who was rubbing his thumb over the scars.

“I haven't heard much about your life. Only rumors really. And all the warnings of people telling me to stay away.” Dean was silent, watching Cas's fingers graze over the ugly skin. “What happened?”

Dean sighed. “There was a fire. It had our whole house by the time I woke up. Went to go save my brother, and covered him with my own body when the roof went down. Caught fire... passed out after that and woke up in the burn ward of the hospital a few days later. My... mother died in the fire. And my dad became a drunk after that.”

Cas nodded, and leaned down, placing a kiss on the scars. Silently, he helped dean out of his shirt, letting his hands ghost over the scars going down his back, ending at the edge of Dean's jeans. He slid Dean out of those too, then slipped him into pajama pants, the same ones from earlier. Cas's hands continued feeling the texture of Dean's scars. Until Dean cupped his face and brought him down for a kiss.

“They're beautiful..” Cas said when they broke. Pulling out of his jacket, Cas showed Dean his own scars. “I told you I was bullied a lot.. rejected by my own family..” Dean eyed them. His eyes scanning each line, as if they were only a memory now. Just as Cas had done, Dean leaned down and kissed each line, then trailed up to meet Cas's lips.

 

Dean and Cas had been together for weeks now. Crowley couldn't care less what Dean did as long as Cas never got in the way of Crowley's business. Lucifer didn't trust Castiel, he always eyed him when Dean was near Cas. Maybe it was because Lucifer cared for Dean, but Dean thought that it was just because he was getting out more and seemed more upbeat since being together with Cas. Whatever it was, Dean kept Cas close. Who knows what Lucifer could do to Cas.

The calls to Sam became more and more about Cas. Sam wanted to know everything, as well as the repairs on the impala. Dean was almost done, well.. getting there. There were still interior repairs to make, airbags had to be replaced, it still needed a paint job and Dean was waiting on the shipment of glass for the windows. The frame and doors had been replaced, as well as all the workings of the car. It was now mostly appearances Dean had to work on. Sam on the other hand didn't talk much. Said there wasn't much going on except for the usual school and bullies. The girl Sam had been crushing on was with someone else, so he tended to avoid her as best he could. He still talked to her in the library, but more and more she didn't seem to be right for Sam. She isn't someone Sam needed right now.

Charlie celebrated with Cas when she heard they were together. Telling him to still be careful around the man, he was wreck less and still hung out with the drug crowd. Cas often talked to Charlie when he needed to talk about Dean. They often exchanged personality traits of their partners, as well as dating advice for said traits. Castiel let himself believe that he and Dean will be together forever, and maybe they'll get married. He didn't talk to Anna often. She called every once in awhile. It was mostly Cas asking questions about his parents. He was over the fact that they disowned him, but he still curious what they were up to. Turns out they retired, and were somewhere in the Caribbean for the rest of their lives or something.

Now, Cas was at work, it was almost five. Dean was at his own apartment, thinking about moving in with Cas but afraid it might be too soon. They haven't been going out long, but he felt a real connection, and didn't want to spend one night without the other man near him. The phone rang. Dean sighed, wondering who it could be.

“Hello?” Answering the phone.

“Hi, is this Dean Winchester?” It wasn't a voice he'd heard before, his ears vaguely picked up on some shuffling of papers.

“This is, yes.” He replied, his stomach clenched and he could feel himself shaking.

“We need you to come down to Phoenix Hospital. You're the only other name in Sam's file.”

Dean slid himself to the ground. “Why?”

He heard the women sigh. “Sam Winchester committed suicide. We need you to identify the body, and let us know the funeral plans.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know how someone would inform the family like this,  
> but the way I did it made sense for the story.


	8. Demons and Devils

 

Castiel hadn't heard from Dean in a week. When he got home that day, he expected to find Dean, but he didn't. He called and texted until he fell asleep. But there was no reply in the morning either.

After a couple of days he braved enough to ask Crowley and Lucifer. Neither of them knew what happened either. Crowley suspected he was on a drug run, probably shooting _something_ up somewhere. Maybe that made him feel better. Cas didn't want to think that Dean was out somewhere trying to get high. He'd never been desperate before, so why would anything change? Besides, Dean said he'd stop after getting together with Cas. He made a promise.

Cas went by Bobby's the same day he talked to Crowley. Bobby only told him that Dean hadn't called or shown up for days. But the impala was gone. He said that either Dean didn't care, or he managed to fix it overnight and left. The glass Dean ordered came, and they weren't in the box anymore, which meant they were misplaced somewhere or Dean repaired the windows.

The next day, Cas went over to Dean's apartment. He had a key, so he let himself in, hoping no one would question him. Upon walking in, he immediately saw that the phone wasn't on the stand, and it had died. Along the hall, everything that was hung on the walls was either crooked or on the floor around shattered glass. His feet crunched over the already broken glass, and his eyes noticed a couple of holes or dents in the walls. Cas' fingers ran over each one, knowing they matched Dean's fist.

The living room was a mess. Almost everything was on the ground or broken to complete rubble. His couch was even flipped over, the TV on the floor, and every table was either on the floor or split in half. Probably from Dean's foot. The curtains still stood, but they covered the windows completely, Dean had never done that, he was kept them slightly open.

His bedroom was probably worse. The bed was a mess, with blankets twisted around an invisble body and the head board broken laying on the pillows. There were dresser drawers laying cracked on the ground as the dresser itself was on the floor. Even the bathrooms were wrecked. The mirrors cracking outward from a fist sized hole. Shower heads ripped off the walls, and the shower curtains torn down.

The only thing that seemed to remain intact was the desk Dean had in the corner of the living room. Where his computer and cameras were stored. Cas hadn't seen Dean sit at it often, after awhile Dean explained he did photography for family and friends that can't or don't want to pay a professional one. He was cheaper but the quality was just as good. They often told Dean that he should raise his prices. But he would always say he wasn't interested in it professionally, and would prefer to do it on the side. Cas sometimes watched him work on photos, and wondered where he kept his own personal ones he took. Like all the Polaroids he must have somewhere.

Castiel sat at his desk. A note with only his name on it, was taped onto the Polaroid Dean had. The camera still in great condition. His fingers held the note, rubbing over the ink. He wondered where Dean's photos were, wanting something more Dean had. The first drawer he opened was on the bottom, the biggest. It held Dean's digital camera and some lenses as well as other equipment. The next one up, held the prints that he had his customers look at before choosing their own.

The last drawer had Dean's own photos. A couple of the Polaroid images were copies of ones Cas already had, guess Dean took the same picture twice to make sure one turned out well. Most of them were of something blue or Cas himself. He remembers Dean taking some of them, but others he was either asleep or too far to hear the camera go off. One of them was from the party the first time they kissed. Cas stood facing out the window, with his back to Dean, in the photo. He didn't even notice that Dean had the camera with him. Despite playing that moment in his head a million times.

Under all the photos, he saw a uniform he hadn't seen in a year. It was his graduation. Dean _was_ taking photos and staring at him that day. Cas had to admit that he looked pretty good in the photos. His eyes looked a lot more blue than he remembered. He didn't even realize he was crying until something dropped onto the photo he held. Fingers came up to wipe the tears away, but they kept coming.

Cas was able to control himself enough he wasn't crying anymore, but his eyes were reddish. He walked out the apartment, locking it after him. One of Dean's neighbors had heard him, and was standing by the stairs.

“I'm Adam.” He said. “Adam Milligan. I live next to Winchester here.” Cas nodded silently. “Is he okay? I thought you were him, but since you're not...”

“I'm not sure..” Cas responded quietly.

Adam nodded. “About a week ago I heard a bunch of banging. And something breaking multiple times? Do you at least know what happened there?”

Cas shook his head, and took a deep breath. “I don't know what happened. All I know is he's not here... and hasn't been for almost a week.”

Adam had thanked Cas and went back inside his own apartment. On the way out, Cas eyed the parking lot, finding Dean's bike. So his bike was here, the impala wasn't and Dean wasn't either. Cas didn't want to think what could've happened to him or what happened to cause this.

Castiel called Charlie when he got home, hanging onto the photos and camera, carefully setting them down on the desk. He told her everything that he saw, and what was left for Cas to take. Charlie didn't know anything either, but guessed that something bad happened. Dean must've been more upset rather than angry. They just couldn't think of anything that could happen.

Another week had passed, and Dean still was no where to be found. His cell had been dead or gone since the day he left and there was no way to contact him otherwise. Cas talked to Bobby about filing a missing persons report. They did so the same day. Dean was officially a missing persons, and missing for two weeks. They provided pictures of him, and a picture of the car he was supposedly driving. Then they just hoped something would come up.

It was another week when they got a call, from Adam Milligan, who said he saw dean and the car. Adam didn't follow him, but Cas immediately sped over to Dean's. Only to find the impala sitting right next to where Dean's bike used to be. Castiel asked Adam if Dean had gone inside, and he said yes, to which Cas walked back into Dean's trashed apartment. Nothing had been cleaned or moved or even added to. The only difference was Dean left a bag of something that somewhat resembled his phone in the form of crushed plastic and batteries.

Cas still hadn't heard anything from Dean, and another week passed. But by then Cas wasn't sure if Dean was every coming back.

It was on a day that Cas forgot his cell, rushing out of his place in hopes that he won't be late to class. He often held or stared at his phone since Dean was spotted. But that meant it was never in his pocket when he left. So he almost forgot it every morning since, and today, he actually forgot it thanks to not setting his alarm and waking up twenty minutes after.

He made it to class just before the professor started talking and silently sat next to Charlie.

“You okay?” She asked as he got out his notebook.

“I'm fine,” no smile. “Just forgot to set my alarm. Slept later than I meant to.”

Charlie just nodded, looking at him worriedly as the professor started talking. Cas didn't pay attention much, he hadn't been since Dean left, and it only got worse when Dean had been spotted. He took his bike. Cas was worried. Instead, he doodled on the paper, vaguely listening, only listening enough to know if he was suppose to work on something.

When he got home after work, he didn't look for his phone, and he didn't eat either. He just went straight to bed, falling asleep quickly. Morning came, and he still didn't look at his phone. He was losing hope, and couldn't convince himself to check anymore. Just hoped that Dean would at some point come knocking on his door.

But he didn't.. instead a women came to the school asking for Castiel by name. He hesitantly walked to the front office, his stomach dropping with each step. When he saw her, he stopped dead in his tracks. He recognized her immediately. She knew what he was going to do and she was already running towards him.

After a minute, she held him around the shoulders and guided him towards her car. She mentioned something about having another nurse take Cas' car over and so he slowly found his keys to hand over. When he got there, he didn't want to go inside. Something happened, and it was worse than before.

The nurse kindly held his hand and took him inside. Guiding him to a room with a whole wall of machines. Dean lay completely still on the bed. Covered in casts and bandages and stitches that seemed to barely be holding him together. Cas dropped to the ground when he entered the room, realizing tears had been falling since he entered the hospital.

He vaguely heard the nurse explain that he was involved in a multi-car collision. Police still investigating the main cause. She said he was in a coma, and was dying. They had a breathing machine standing by, ready to take over when Dean started to drop again. The nurse left him, closing the door, after informing him Dean had multiple broken bones, and other internal injuries, some already fixed, others barely being held together despite surgery.

After a moment, Cas stood and shakily sat down on the only chair in the room. He held Dean's hand, rubbing his thumb over the back. Crying into his sleeve. Dean looked horrible. He had cuts and stitches on his head, a cast all down one leg and another all down his arm on the same side. His other arm was covered in bandages, and he had another cast around his foot and ankle.

Dean was dying. The nurse said he was likely to only get worse. That he probably won't wake from his coma, and there's nothing more the hospital can do to save him. She said he's got a week before he'll be brain dead, and from there he won't be on life support. His medical records and previous information they'd gotten from his last crash told them to not put him on life support. He was going to be dead by the end of the week.

All Cas could do was cry while holding Dean's hand, and whisper to him to return. With some hope that he'll come back and be able to love Cas longer.

 


	9. Mercy

After Cas had calmed down enough, the nurse came back, pulling a chair inside to sit by him. The truth was, Castiel hadn't calmed down at all. He just lost all his energy and cried out every tear he had. But the nurse comforted him the best she could.

She explained that Dean had no family left, but she remembered when Cas took him here for his check ups after his first crash. The way Dean had talked about Cas, the way his heart beat a little faster when she asked about him. When Dean had been stabilized, she got some time off to find Cas. Remembering that Dean mentioned they went to the local college. So she had gone there first, and requested Cas with a broken heart.

Cas listened. Feeling like his eyes still had tears to cry when they really didn't. The nurse explained Dean's condition, and that, like she said earlier, he wasn't likely to live much longer. She told him there's a chance he may get better before he gets worse, and to not hold out too much hope for anything else.

The crash consisted of three other cars, which all at some point hit Dean. At least, that's what they suspected. Drivers from the other cars weren't as injured as Dean, but were hurt pretty bad. Dean was the worst, the truck driver managed to walk away after one day in the hospital. He only needed stitches and some bandages. Everyone else was somewhere in between.

Cas didn't want to know exactly what happened. But the nurse told him the police suspected that Dean was the main cause. Either something happened, or Dean was looking to get hurt. Despite everything in him wanting to believe something else happened, he couldn't. Part of him knew that Dean was probably looking for trouble.

Nurse Barnes was kind enough to tell the staff Cas was family, and he was allowed to stay with Dean. She always kept the door closed and any windows covered, so he had his privacy. Charlie came by two days later when he hadn't shown for class and wasn't answering his calls. But she must've known what happened. She brought a bag of some of Cas' things. He had forgotten he'd given her a key awhile back, and told her she was always welcome, but to knock first.

Charlie brought a change of clothes, a book, and some homemade snacks from her place. Cas nibbled on it, and Charlie made sure he ate enough to not be starving himself.

“Do you have your phone?” Charlie asked quietly. Their whole conversation had been quiet, as if Dean was only sleeping.

Cas checked his pockets. “Must've forgotten it..”

Charlie began to stand. “I can go get it, if you want..”

“No..” He said, and she sat back down. “No one else contacts me except you and.. Dean..”

Charlie rubbed his shoulder as he managed to cry again. After a few hours Charlie left to go home, and told Cas that he was welcome to come by if he needed. He stayed as Dean remained stable. Crowley came by once, hearing it from Charlie, but he didn't do much. Told Cas a few stories of some stuff they've done and all the none sense they put each other through. After that he sighed, told Cas he was sorry and left without another word. Lucifer never came by, and it didn't surprise Cas. He never seemed to really like Dean enough to care what happened. Besides, Crowley probably told him.

When Charlie came by again, she told him that the school was thinking about doing a memorial for him. He wasn't the best or the most inspiring students, but he was someone this world lost too soon. Cas just nodded in agreement and cried all over again. So far, he's cried at least twice a day. Once when he woke up, remembering everything and once when he cried himself to sleep by Dean's bedside.

By the end of the week, Dean wasn't brain dead, but was still declining. They took him off the machines, and just told Cas it was just a matter of waiting. The only thing working now was the heart monitor. Cas laid on the edge of the bed to the beat of Dean's heart. His hand held Dean's and his fingers brushed through his hair. Rubbing at the stitches and cuts on his head...

. . .

It was sundown on a Saturday night.

The same time as when they had first kissed at that party. Cas was holding Dean's hand with his fingers grazing over his cheek when it happened. His heart beat dropped until it was gone all together. Nurse Barnes stood in the doorway seconds after he flat lined.

Hours later, he was leaving the hospital with an urn. Nurse Barnes had pulled some more strings and was able to get Cas to take Dean home. It made Cas feel a little better.

When Cas had gotten home, he placed Dean on the desk closest to his camera and photos that Cas took. His phone sat on the coffee table, a blue light telling Cas he had notifications. He looked at his phone, and was about to cry all over again. Two missed calls. Two different numbers. Two voice mails. He called his voice mail, and collapsed when he heard the voice. Covering his mouth and crying like he'd never cried before.

_Hey.. Cas... It's Dean. I'm calling from a payphone, can you believe it? These things still exist. Pretty amazing... I just wanted to tell you.. since I'd been gone... I went farther south.. to Sammy... He died Cas... He... He killed himself... I didn't even know he was thinking it... I didn't know what was really going on... I wasn't there for him Cas... I know you've tried to call... probably noticed that after awhile it went straight to voice mail.... well... I... may have run over it... I needed to be alone... I don't know why I did it... I just did... I kept it though.. not like it's of use any more.. but... I felt bad... Cas... I love you man... But if I couldn't even be there for my own brother... how can I be there for you?.. when you need me... I'm sorry Cas..._

Cas let the next message play. It must've only been hours before Dean was admitted into the hospital. Which meant it was just before the crash...

_Cas? Dammit answer your phone... What happened to 'you always come when I call'... I want to make sure you're home... About what I said earlier... I was depressed man. But I thought it through. I don't care if all you're going to bring me is some total shit... I want to be there... I need you Cas... and I want to be there even if it means I'm going through hell to stay with you... Shit! Ay watch it man! Cas... I'm driving to you now... I'm heading home... and I want you to be there... I just got into town... and... Cas... I love y-_

The next thing Cas heard was the crushing of metal, and then the line went dead.

. . .

The school held his memorial the next week. No one but the teachers had said anything. Cas refused, and Crowley wasn't even at school. He held a candle to the sky, crying beside Charlie, wishing things were much different.

Charlie and Cas eventually had to clean up Dean's apartment. The owner wanted to put it up, but couldn't until it was presentable. Cas packed everything still intact in a box for himself, and everything else was either thrown away or given to donation if it wasn't too damaged.

Cas cried several times when they were cleaning the place. It ended up taking several days because every once in awhile Cas had to just sit and cry it out. But they did it, and Cas now had a box of Dean's stuff sitting in his room. While Dean and the camera sat on his desk in the living room.

He didn't go to school for a week, and Charlie came by everyday to make sure he was clean and he ate. Eventually, Cas dropped out of the school, and holed himself up at home. Sometimes Cas barely noticed when Charlie came by. But vaguely, he could see her red hair in his vision.

After another week, Cas managed to sit himself down at his desk, and slowly look for alternative education. Or at least some job. Ellen from the bookstore said that she hired others, but if he was desperate for a job, all he had to do was ask, she'd keep a spot open. Part of him didn't want to return. That was where Dean tended to return his books to Cas. All the ones with the Polaroid photos hidden somewhere between the pages.

Cas stared at the camera. He opened a blank word document on his computer, and stared at the blinking cursor. Like he'd never even written a word before, his fingers steadily began to type. Telling his story, under false names but true to the word. A couple weeks later he was finished. With Charlie's help. Mostly making sure he ate and slept and got clean.

They found a publisher, and published the story as a book surrounded with metaphors about angels and demons. Cas stared at the camera again the day after his story came out in print. From Dean's stuff, he grabbed a box with the film. It had already been opened, but the film was closed.

Cas slid it out, and on the cardboard cover, in Dean's scrawl was:

 _Use my camera well my angel_.

Cas was only able to whisper: _Always._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone.  
> sorry not sorry


End file.
